no, it never gets old

I will always respond when someone yells "Hey Gorgeous!" in a room.

Because they are always yelling at me.

it's never too appropriate for pants

I tried to snap a picture yesterday of a girl going into the bookstore wearing tiny shorts and huge bandages on her knees.

Now I'm sure she didn't need those bandages for the reason that came to my mind, but you'd think it would cross her mind too at some point.

Nobody is that naive.

do you know what i hate more than ignorant, obnoxious people?

Ignorant, obnoxious people who make three times what I do.

it's actually sad how detrimental i am to my own progress

I am going to share some advice with you that I have learned from hands on experience.

If you like a boy do NOT throw up in his front lawn. It will not impress him in any way...

some things never change... and i don't want them to

I was sitemeter-ing myself and saw this link as some one's entry point.

I am so vain, because that made me laugh, then i wandered to other posts in that time frame and kept laughing.

I still DO love grey hair. It's actually kind of a prerequisite now. And I still love Anderson Cooper enough to turn him straight.

Anderson, we could be so happy together.

because we all know you value my opinion over any other

Random Consumer Product Reviews:

Blackberry 8330 Curve:
A++ Love, love, love this thing. If you don't have one, get one.

Aquafresh Extreme Clean Whitening Toothpaste:
A++ Been using this product for years, switch when I bought the last tube. What a disaster. They should call this product "Aquafresh Ridiculously Clean". I even got props from my dentist for using it.

Champion brand cupped sport bra in black:
A. I do like using this product over the previous combo of regular bra with sports bra layered. It could use some redesigning though. Mostly so it doesn't poke out at the top giving me an oddly placed third nip. (not that there is a normal place for those)

Any tripe aired on MTV:
D. unless you are still in high school you have no business ever tuning to this station. stop it. you know who you are...

Starbucks Non-fat Latte:
A. If you are a fan of lattes and, like me, have no choice but Starbucks go ahead and go non-fat. You will not notice a difference (okay maybe the foam is a little looser, but good luck finding a barista that makes truly great foam anyway) and you will save yourself 9g of fat and 70 calories.

www.google.com/igoogle:
A+ I am not sure who doesn't have google.com as their homepage, I always have and wouldn't have it any other way. But if you have a google account try the iGoogle homepage.

Elitism:
A+ not really something you can buy, but totally worth using. Make sure to let the people around you know how much better you are than them.

I hope this has wasted a few minutes of your day. If you work for any of these companies please email me for payment arrangements.

but really, who can name the mayor of washington d.c.?

This is the mayor of London. Boris Johnson.(and you're welcome, I can almost guarantee you did NOT know that before now) I follow him on Twitter along with 10 Downing Street, BBC News, and a few others you'd expect me to follow.




He went to Maddame Tussauds today and even his wax sculpture is a complete doof. The sculpture's pants are too tight and it's tie is unkempt.
Only in the U.K.






Bonus just for you: The Mayor of Washington D.C.is Adrian Fenty. You're welcome again.

open letter to the inventer of "reply to all" in email

Thank you. Without you I would never be able to engange in an argument about who came up with "taint breath" first.

i still don't like maple syrup though

I have to take back anything I may have said over the years about Canada. Mostly cause my brother decided to fall in love with a Canadian and I kind of like her.


...and she kind of has creative control of my brand image.



I guess I should do some counter PR right? Okay, list things I like about Canada:
...
......
.........
Braniff looks like a really nice place.
They seem to have a pretty focused and kickin military.
Slowly, everyone I really like admits to being Canadian, so...

See? It's not so bad.

still not believable

I decided to just go all the way blonde with my eyebrows this time around while at the salon.

...Yeah, it's kind of weird. I look totally arian. or albino, whatever the word for it is. Maybe a little sun this weekend will help. Right now my hair, skin and teeth are all just about the same color.

tmi? probably tmi...

Anticipation makes me have to pee. Did you know that?

The only time I ever wet myself as a child I was 6 and we were playing hide and seek and my sister either stopped looking for me or couldn't find me(my money is on the former, I was in the closet for christ's sake) and the thought of winning that round of the game was just too much for my little bladder to take. I am not sure if the smell or the sound of crying finally got my sister to the closet but she made sure to use my beach towel to help clean up AND tell my step mother who does not have a kind bone in her body.

Need more examples of why I don't care for people or am completely devoid of self worth?

down with the GOP, yeah you know me

**WARNING** Partisan blogging in ...3 ...2 ...1.

Seriously.

I have never claimed to be political or politically correct, but the GOP is completely embarrassing themselves(itself?).

How can you wish the country to fail? "I hope this all goes to shit so they'll see they really need us"? That's a mature avenue to take when you just recently wasted your chance to be needed.

You also had your chance to sway our wandering votes back to you, I for one did NOT vote for Obama because he was half black(the other half is cracker, btw GOP) or because I was upset with Bush. You can not scream "four more years" at a guy when he can't even be re-elected again anyway then tell us you guys just lost your way a bit.... 8 g.d. years. Now you have the black version of Mr. Rodgers trying to "apply conservative principles to urban suburban hip-hop settings". Cause there is nothing rich old white guys care about more than poor black baby daddies. There is a (republican) old white guy at my office who constantly refers to my black boss as "dog". You can tell it's uncomfortable for both parties.

Don't get me wrong, I was a Republican ...When I was young and didn't know any better. And as I stated in my recent letter to Texas State Senator John Cornyn(R) "I have been embarrassed by the GOP but congratulate them on being even louder and more obnoxious with their small stake in both houses of government."


Seriously.

is there an island for people like me?

I have pink eye. There's no beatting around that bush. I feel so gross. I don't even know anyone who has it so where did I get it? I am obnoxiously clean 90% of the time.

Luckily it seems to be clearing up pretty well.

cross your fingers and say a prayer

I am buying Coldplay tickets this morning. If you're a long time reader you'll know why this is a big deal. If you're not search "Coldplay" in this blog, I dare you.

Forth time's gotta be the charm right?

P.S. If you are a loved one of mine, please make sure that from now until July 22nd you always double-knot your shoe laces and NO plane trips or drinking and driving. I'm serious people!

UPDATE: I just got ass raped by Ticketmaster.

do not buy

tic tac chill in exotic cherry.

instead of exotic cherry they taste like peach scented soap.

wordle is fun!

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I am totally digging the section between Comments and January... lol

you don't know until you try

I have NEVER used the shuffle on my iPod. It just doesn't make sense to me. I have 4000 songs, what percentage do I actually listen to on a regular basis? My niece ALWAYS shuffles hers, but she's got like 6 albums, and 3 of those are fall out boy, it serves her well... I like to think I have a huge taste range for music, and it'd be impossible to mix it well.

...I got brave/curious today. There are like 5 songs I really, truly dislike, so chances are good that I'll like the mix, or at least tolerate it enough to just let it play for a few hours, right?
NO.
It started out alright, heard some stuff I forgot about and a few great songs. Then in a 20 minute span it played 3 of the songs that bug me. So I skipped them and gave it a chance to redeem itself. Bad. Nevermind.

I still hate shuffle.

they grow up so quickly

Saturday was my blog's third birthday. I didn't bring it up, cause it's three, it's not like we've changed the world or anything yet. If I were any better at html code I would spruce the page up to celebrate, but... yeah, not happening.

Wow, I think Monday is a bad day to hit me up for any hint of excitement.


If you're really bored hit up the archives and see how funny i USED to be.

i don't like this seat

Now, I'm not one to eavesdrop, usually even when you're talking to me I am not listening, but lately everyone walks through having insanely private conversations.

From what I've overheard, my clients are married to, and whipped by twats that spend time in the clink, and will ruin you if you owe them money.

two worlds collided

McSweeney's List about LOLCATS? Don't mind if I do...

Selected Minutes
From Lolcat City
Council Meetings.
BY CHRIS STECK

- - - -

We'z on ur lawn, fynin' ur i sor.

I can haz lodin' zone?

Stait'z in r skoolz, jerrymandrin' r diztrix!

I haz angree at skaytborderz!

We'z in ur biz, surchin' 4 bak taxz.

Y r kidz duso por on standrdiz'd testz? I blaymz skoolz!

Likkr lizenz ... DNI'D!

i make me laugh

I started this blog to talk about how I bought Scarlett Johansson's album, how she blows, even though I'm in love with her, and it's made me realize that I really dig Tom Waits. (look it up)

BUT I noticed in the drop down box for the title of this blog some unbelievable blog titles, so I'm distracted. If I really loved you I'd hyperlink to these blog posts, but I do actually have a job.


detox my ass
FW: stop forwarding me emails
luuuuuuuuuucy
perv
probably best kept to myself
rest in peace you sexy bastard
stalker.google.com
vanilla, or maybe not
why for to are you no humor?
yeah? well you're fat, and kinda dumb

i do it all for you

I changed up the playlist for you. Well, partly for me, Client makes me sad. But anyway, you get Peaches, Massive Attack, NIN and a few others.



You're Welcome.

underqualified and underwhelmed

Aside from the jobs that take degrees and qualifications I don't have I'm adding these to the list of jobs I could never have...

Waitress

Maid

Counselor (I know there are qualifications, but it's on the list because I just can't listen to most people talk about their problems)

it's '09 bitches

I am NOT calling these resolutions, cause that's just not my style. But making lists sooo is.

New Years Motions:

Start actually attaching attachments to emails, especially at work.
Take fewer hits from the crack pen... NO, wait. more. MORE hits from the crack pen.
Stop using "so" so much. AND not making it so long when I do use it. i.e. "but making lists sooo is."
Revoke last year's "be brutally honest" idea. No one really likes that.
Lower expectations of people. I.Q., sense of humor, punctuality, decency, ability to bathe properly, all of it. I am not letting you bitches get to me anymore.

dedication proven by timely updates

I went looking for a Word Doc and came across this. My attempt at a blog post in London. Frick I miss that place...

"20 minutes until the next train.doc"

Holy Shite I am here… well if Heathrow is here.
Current Observations of Heathrow:
Dirty
Really warm. I have more sweat on my brow now than when I left Texas.
Not as crowded as one would think
Expensive as hell to leave. “Welcome to Heathrow. Oh, you wanted to be in London? That’ll be 37 euros.”

Unfortunately I already have the lost tourist look on my face… And for some strange reason I am astutely aware of my southern drawl. It’s most unbecoming really.